"Time to Say Goodbye". [bittersweet endings]

One week from today is the day I board a plane and say goodbye to one of the best summers of my life!
I will be returning to Michigan to finish my LAST year of college. (Crazy!)
Seasons change so fast.
Sometimes I don't feel quite ready.
Saying goodbye to loved ones and loved places is never easy.
This is one of the times when the "bitter-sweet" ending feels more bitter than usual.
Maybe this is because I have learned so much about Life this summer. (yes, Life, not life.)
Maybe it's because I don't know if I will ever get to spend another summer like this in Santa Cruz.
I really have no idea what is ahead of me.
So much in my life seems really uncertain right now, but since when is anything in this world certain? That's what makes life an adventure, right?

I know that God is so good.
His timing is always perfect.
ALWAYS.
And HE knows the plans for my future even if I don't.

So I'm excited for this year.
I'm excited for what Jesus has for me.
I've learned so much recently about following Him into the valleys and up steep mountains because He knows what lies ahead. It is all worth it. Even if I can't see it all now, I will some day. I can't wait.

"The Lord is my Light and my Salvation. Whom shall I fear? The Lord is the Stronghold of my life. Of whom shall I be afraid?" ~Psalm 27:1

I will follow.



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Pressing on. [joy in the waiting]

Trusting in the unseen isn't always easy.
At times there are moments of impatience, frustration, and disappointment.
Doubts arise, and fear takes hold.
The enemy laughs in our faces as we look for answers.
But if we continually place our hope in the Love of Christ, we will not be disappointed in the end because "Love never fails" (1 Corinthians 13:8).
That's a promise.

Don't give up.
Press on.
Joy will come.

"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." ~2 Corinthians 4:17-18 

"Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." ~Romans 5:3-5

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called  me heavenward in Christ Jesus." ~Philippians 3:12-14 

"The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and He helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise Him." ~Psalm 28:7

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Life. [why I follow Jesus : : show me something better?]

We all have some sort of void in our lives that we try to fill.

A friend of mine recently pointed out that there didn't seem to be much difference between filling that space with a hobby, work, another religion, or any other passion and filling that space with Jesus. To a certain extent I think he's right. However, there's one detail in the Christian faith that sets it apart from the rest.

We all have passions and activities that we love to do, but the thing about any of those is that they always come to an end. There's always a point when you can no longer dance, no longer shoot hoops, no longer hit home runs, no longer surf, no longer run, no longer work, etc. Maybe you'll get injured. Or just grow too old. Or maybe you'll find yourself in a situation where you don't have the opportunity to do the thing you love. Find something else right? But what if that falls through too? What if everyone you love is no longer around? What if everything you've lived for up to this point falls apart and slips from your grasp? What then?

Some might question the necessity of Christianity and seek out other religions. But there's a major difference between following Jesus and any other religion. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems to me that every religion is based on your own effort. Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, etc. They all depend on YOU. If you give up, that's it. There are no guarantees. 

Christianity--TRUE Christianity, on the other hand, is quite different.

 "We love because He first loved us" (1 John 4:19).

It's not about what we do. It's about what He did for us.

It's not about who we are. It's about who He is. 

He is everlasting Life. Yes, not life, but Life. With a capital L. 

He is the Redeemer. He redeems our mistakes and the messes we make. 

He is the Strength-Giver. He gives us strength to go on when we have none.

He is the Healer. He heals our bodies, our hearts, and our minds.

He is Peace when everything is shaking.

He is Love. The kind of Love that casts out fear and has power to heal. The kind of love that is unconditional. Most people (myself included) struggle to comprehend this kind of love because it's not something we see very often in our world today. But it's real, and once you've experienced it, there's no going back. 

Following Jesus isn't easy, but it's worth it. 

His promises endure forever.

He's the Rock that will never crumble. 

Everything else will fade away, but He won't. 

Can I prove that? No. 

But I can tell you about the Love and Life I have found, what I've seen and heard, and this is why I follow Jesus and live to make Him known. 

He gives me a glimpse of His love for those around me, and I can't help but want every single person to know the extent to which they are loved. 

Now show me a hobby or career or person or religion besides this that gives me a deep personal connection with my Creator. 

Show me something that will fill my heart with inexpressible joy despite the heartaches of life. 

Show me something that will give me hope when everything falls apart. 

Show me a person that will stay by my side through everything no matter what, will carry me through the darkest valleys, and dance with me on the mountains. 

Then "maybe" I would consider filling my life with something else. 

But I can assure you, nothing you say will ever convince me that there is something better because there's no one like Jesus, and that's the Truth.

"For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom His whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith.

And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." ~ Ephesians 3:14-21

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Cancer. [when positive means negative]

"You have cancer."
These are three words no one wants to hear.
These are also the three words I recently heard from my mother as she relayed the doctor's message.
I had suspected it was true, but hearing the words spoken made my intuition an actual reality.

So here I am.
I have been told I have thyroid cancer that has possibly metastasized to my lymph nodes. (and who knows where else)

Now what?
Waiting.
Waiting for appointments.
Waiting for phone calls from doctors.
Waiting for news.
Waiting on my God to show me what He is doing.

Many people have told me, "It will be okay. You will be fine."
Well of course it will. It IS okay. and I AM fine.

I serve my Creator who is the Great Physician.
He knows exactly what is going on in my body.
He knows exactly what I need.

My hope and trust is in Him.
I stand on His promises.
I give thanks for the blessings that will come from Jesus through what Satan intended for evil.

For those of you who believe in Jesus' powerful love, please pray for me. Pray not just that I will be healed as a display of God's miraculous love, but that I will remain firm as a testimony of the Grace of God to bring peace to His loved ones. Please also pray for my family. It's not easy for them either.

"The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth.
He never grows weak or weary.
No one can measure the depths of His understanding.
He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless.
Even youths will grow weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion. 
But those who hope in the Lord will find new strength.
They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not faint." ~Isaiah 40:28-31

This is my hope. God is my rock. Here in His love I stand.



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"If the earth were a golf ball..." [why I love science]

A conversation with a good friend reminded me about a video I watched a couple years ago that blows my mind. 

Even though I have seen it before, it's still just as powerful. 

There's so much I could say, but I think the video speaks for itself. 

I know it's kinda long, but even if you can't watch the whole thing, watching just part of it will be worth your time. :)

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Endurance.

"His love endures forever."

This phrase is stated countless times throughout the bible.

It is repeated 26 times (once in each verse) in just Psalm 136 alone. 

I've heard and read this sentence over and over again throughout my life and even memorized Psalm 136 at one time, but it wasn't until the other day that I really started thinking about what this means to 'endure':

"to suffer (something difficult or painful) patiently."

"to carry on through/despite hardship" 

"to bear with tolerance" 

"to continue in the same state" 

"to remain firm under suffering or misfortune without yielding"

These are just a few definitions of the word, but this means: 

"His love [suffers patiently]."

"His love [carries on through/despite hardship]."

"His love [bears with tolerance]."

"His love [continues in the same state]."

"His love [remains firm under suffering without yielding]."

Wow.

It doesn't matter where we are in life.
It doesn't matter what we have or haven't done.

It doesn't matter what others have or haven't done.

It doesn't matter how much we resist His love because no matter what, His love

ENDURES.

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The Art of a Mosaic.

Over the course of my relatively short life thus far, and especially over the last year or so, I see a pattern in my relationship to my Creator.

I feel like my life is a microscopic tile in a giant mosaic masterpiece that is the picture of the whole world from the beginning of time to the end.  It feels as though I am sitting watching the Great Artist paint this picture. I sit here playing my own little version of "Pictionary," as I endlessly guess what the completed work is intended to be. 

Quite often, I start metaphorically (and possibly literally) jumping up and down saying, "Oh I get it! THAT'S what it's supposed to look like!" I then reach for the paint brush and begin filling in the picture according to my idea of what it is depicting. 

However, my artistic abilities are clearly lacking and so soon enough, I relinquish control back to the Artist. 

But as I continue to watch Him paint, I become ever indignant with the seemingly random and out-of-place brush strokes that do not fit whatever it is that I think He is painting or should be painting. 

I thus start complaining, telling Him, "Why did you draw that line?! That messes it up! It's not supposed to be there! Where did that smudge come from?!" 

But gently, over and over again, the Artist just keeps assuring me, "Trust me! Just wait and you will see what it will be if you will only be patient and stop interrupting me. I promise it will be beautiful! Just wait!" 

Yet, at times that is hard to believe because it feels like all I can see is the drop-cloth...or at least that's all it seems to be. But then I am reminded that not only can I not see my entire picture, I most certainly cannot see the much bigger picture of history of which I am only a small part. 

Yes, my little tile in the mosaic masterpiece is important, but its importance seems to be a minute detail in comparison with the rest of the whole. After all, if it gets a little messed up by my ignorant attempts to contribute, the Artist is surely good enough to tie in those "mis-strokes" and make them enrich the beauty of the whole. Not only that, but when I think about a mosaic, there is a lot of variety that can take place in each tile to still produce the final complete work. So why am I so afraid I might somehow mess it up by making a wrong decision? God is bigger than that!

But the very thing that makes a mosaic so amazing is the parts of which it is made up.

We each have something to offer.


That is the beauty of this life. 

But Jesus wants to be the One painting our picture.


He is the only One who knows what color our tile is supposed to be.

It's when we give the paintbrush to Him and stop trying to interfere that our life is as it should be: 

beautiful.

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