Monday, February 17, 2014
Sunday, February 9, 2014
Health. [God's priorities]
Getting sick in Haiti and everything that happened to my team along with the fact that as far as I know I still have cancer in my body led me to really ponder the meaning of health.
Which is a greater priority to God--the state of our physical bodies or the state of our hearts and minds?
In our culture it seems like we value physical comfort far above most other things.
However, my experience has reminded me that the physical state of my body is not what is most important.
When I first was diagnosed with cancer, I and many other people pleaded with God to heal me.
Sitting here a year and a half later still with cancer would make many people think that God has yet to answer our prayers.
He must not be paying attention or want to heal me, right?
I am convinced that this is definitely not the case. Although He has yet to heal my physical body, I know that He has been working on something much bigger and better than I could possibly ask for in my limited perspective.
His way of healing me has been to heal my heart and free me from the anxiety and depression I have walked with for far too long.
He is making me new.
He is setting me free.
He is healing me.
It was in the midst of completing a task out of obedience (DTS) that I learned this.
I was lying on a cot in the middle of the Haitian countryside, sick with a fever that had reached over 102 degrees. The room I had lived in for two weeks was also the home of cockroaches, countless mosquitoes, a family of mice that ate through my stuff, a scorpion that I found on my bed one day, and a family of birds that enjoyed squawking in the wee hours of the morning and making a mess on our beds with their nest building and incontinence. Needless to say, the conditions of my body and my surroundings were less than ideal.
However, I wouldn't trade that experience for the world. As I lay on my cot soaked in a mixture of sweat and the melted ice that was used to cool me down, I found myself filled with joy like scarcely before. Laughter began to flow and I could not contain myself.
I felt so free and so content.
I was in a place that I had come to love with people I had come to adore, and I had the Spirit of Christ within me.
Nothing else mattered.
It's a funny thing to think of what it took for me to experience that kind of peace but it's just proof that physical conditions and health are not what are most important.
From where I stand right now, I would do anything out of obedience to God and suffer any amount of physical discomfort and pain in order to feel that kind of freedom deep in my soul.
After all, that's what He promised us, isn't it?
Physical discomfort: "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)
Deep and satisfying joy: "...I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." (John 10:10)
Which is a greater priority to God--the state of our physical bodies or the state of our hearts and minds?
In our culture it seems like we value physical comfort far above most other things.
However, my experience has reminded me that the physical state of my body is not what is most important.
When I first was diagnosed with cancer, I and many other people pleaded with God to heal me.
Sitting here a year and a half later still with cancer would make many people think that God has yet to answer our prayers.
He must not be paying attention or want to heal me, right?
I am convinced that this is definitely not the case. Although He has yet to heal my physical body, I know that He has been working on something much bigger and better than I could possibly ask for in my limited perspective.
His way of healing me has been to heal my heart and free me from the anxiety and depression I have walked with for far too long.
He is making me new.
He is setting me free.
He is healing me.
It was in the midst of completing a task out of obedience (DTS) that I learned this.
I was lying on a cot in the middle of the Haitian countryside, sick with a fever that had reached over 102 degrees. The room I had lived in for two weeks was also the home of cockroaches, countless mosquitoes, a family of mice that ate through my stuff, a scorpion that I found on my bed one day, and a family of birds that enjoyed squawking in the wee hours of the morning and making a mess on our beds with their nest building and incontinence. Needless to say, the conditions of my body and my surroundings were less than ideal.
However, I wouldn't trade that experience for the world. As I lay on my cot soaked in a mixture of sweat and the melted ice that was used to cool me down, I found myself filled with joy like scarcely before. Laughter began to flow and I could not contain myself.
I felt so free and so content.
I was in a place that I had come to love with people I had come to adore, and I had the Spirit of Christ within me.
Nothing else mattered.
It's a funny thing to think of what it took for me to experience that kind of peace but it's just proof that physical conditions and health are not what are most important.
From where I stand right now, I would do anything out of obedience to God and suffer any amount of physical discomfort and pain in order to feel that kind of freedom deep in my soul.
After all, that's what He promised us, isn't it?
Physical discomfort: "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)
Deep and satisfying joy: "...I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." (John 10:10)
Protection. [are we really safe in God's arms?]
For my team, outreach came with a lot of sickness. Amoebas and other parasites wreaked havoc on most of our bodies. Several of my team members ended up in the hospital and we ended up leaving Haiti and returning to the Dominican Republic over two weeks early because of all the health issues.
As challenging and frustrating as the sickness was, God used it to teach me something big.
Psalm 91 has been a Psalm I have clung to for many years, yet at the same time it has caused me to ask a lot of questions.
Protection from harm.
Protection from disaster.
He promised these things to those who love Him and acknowledge His name.
So then why do the terrible things happen?
Why did my team get sick?
Why did I get cancer?
Where is His defense and protection in the midst of things like sickness?
I had been asking God for a long time to show me what it means to be safe in Him even when it doesn't seem like we are.
When Cassie, my leader, got extremely sick the first time and had to go to the hospital, I sat down and asked God what He was saying about the whole situation. This is part of what He said:
"...I always count the cost. If it is greater than the gain I do not allow it. I will always protect. If it was not beneficial I would not allow it because that is not in My character. You do not see all that is at work here so do not jump to any conclusions regarding this sickness.... Fire does not come without refinement."
In that moment that He was speaking to me about what was happening to my leader, I realized that the same was true regarding my own health situation.
His promises are true.
Love always protects.
Jesus always protects.
Even though it seems that something like cancer is harmful, I know that in the long run it is for my benefit, for the benefit of others, and for the Glory of God.
This leads me to my next posting...
As challenging and frustrating as the sickness was, God used it to teach me something big.
Psalm 91 has been a Psalm I have clung to for many years, yet at the same time it has caused me to ask a lot of questions.
Protection from harm.
Protection from disaster.
He promised these things to those who love Him and acknowledge His name.
So then why do the terrible things happen?
Why did my team get sick?
Why did I get cancer?
Where is His defense and protection in the midst of things like sickness?
I had been asking God for a long time to show me what it means to be safe in Him even when it doesn't seem like we are.
When Cassie, my leader, got extremely sick the first time and had to go to the hospital, I sat down and asked God what He was saying about the whole situation. This is part of what He said:
"...I always count the cost. If it is greater than the gain I do not allow it. I will always protect. If it was not beneficial I would not allow it because that is not in My character. You do not see all that is at work here so do not jump to any conclusions regarding this sickness.... Fire does not come without refinement."
In that moment that He was speaking to me about what was happening to my leader, I realized that the same was true regarding my own health situation.
His promises are true.
Love always protects.
Jesus always protects.
Even though it seems that something like cancer is harmful, I know that in the long run it is for my benefit, for the benefit of others, and for the Glory of God.
This leads me to my next posting...
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
HDR. [best team ever]
Here is a video one of my teammates put together introducing our awesome team. I could not ask for a better group to spend the next two months with serving the people of Dominican Republic and Haiti. :)
We are Team HDR: Haiti. Dominican Republic.
Bringing Hope.
Bringing Discipleship.
Bringing Restoration.
We are Team HDR: Haiti. Dominican Republic.
Bringing Hope.
Bringing Discipleship.
Bringing Restoration.
Monday, December 9, 2013
Love. [revelation that brings peace]
A while ago, I asked God for a picture of His love that would speak to me in a new way. This is what He said:
"My love is like an ocean--so vast you cannot see the end.
My waves of love are constant and powerful.
There are times when you get hit with bigger waves than others--those are beautiful moments when you find the reality of my love.
Other times, my love is more gentle like when the waves are small.
But even when the waves are small or you are between waves, or when you are sitting on shore, or in the middle past the waves, my love does not change.
In fact it is when you are truly in the center of my love that it doesn't knock you over.
When you pass the waves into open sea, it feels different, but my Love does not change.
Sometimes out of my love, I toss you onto shore so you can stand back and see just how great my love is, but I will always draw you back into my love with another wave.
I want you to spend your life in the middle of the ocean, trusting me to bring the right waves at the right time.
I also want to teach you how to "surf" so that you can ride the waves of my love with joy instead of brokenness--I do not desire to always knock you down and break you with my love.
I want to have fun with you, and I want you to teach others to surf the waves of my love because they are looking for someone to teach them."
Recently, I was feeling really restless and asked God why I felt unsatisfied and frustrated. I sensed Him saying, "Hannah, you are not letting Me love all of you."
At first I didn't know what this meant but over the last week or so He has been so faithful to show me what it means to let Him love me.He is teaching me how to give up control by being completely vulnerable with Him--He wants to love the parts of us that we are ashamed of.
So often I have found myself being vulnerable enough to feel like I was being "honest" with God, but was still holding back my true feelings because I didn't feel like I had a right to feel the way I felt. But God wants us to be 100% honest with Him regardless of what that looks like. In a relationship, vulnerability is key to intimacy. Why do we think it should be any different with our Lord?
It's been so sweet to see the way God continually builds on all of this by speaking the same things to me through people when they pray for me. Saturday night we had an all night worship service here on base and God really used that time to confirm even more the things He has been speaking to me.
P.S. This song is my current favorite/theme song for my life in this season. God is SO GOOD!
P.P.S. I am getting more and more excited to leave for the Dominican Republic and Haiti in a few days.
I cannot wait to share the freedom I have found with the people there.
God has been speaking a lot of vision to our team about what He wants to do on outreach and it's gonna be amazing! I'm SO PUMPED! :D
"My love is like an ocean--so vast you cannot see the end.
My waves of love are constant and powerful.
There are times when you get hit with bigger waves than others--those are beautiful moments when you find the reality of my love.
Other times, my love is more gentle like when the waves are small.
But even when the waves are small or you are between waves, or when you are sitting on shore, or in the middle past the waves, my love does not change.
In fact it is when you are truly in the center of my love that it doesn't knock you over.
When you pass the waves into open sea, it feels different, but my Love does not change.
Sometimes out of my love, I toss you onto shore so you can stand back and see just how great my love is, but I will always draw you back into my love with another wave.
I want you to spend your life in the middle of the ocean, trusting me to bring the right waves at the right time.
I also want to teach you how to "surf" so that you can ride the waves of my love with joy instead of brokenness--I do not desire to always knock you down and break you with my love.
I want to have fun with you, and I want you to teach others to surf the waves of my love because they are looking for someone to teach them."
Recently, I was feeling really restless and asked God why I felt unsatisfied and frustrated. I sensed Him saying, "Hannah, you are not letting Me love all of you."
At first I didn't know what this meant but over the last week or so He has been so faithful to show me what it means to let Him love me.He is teaching me how to give up control by being completely vulnerable with Him--He wants to love the parts of us that we are ashamed of.
So often I have found myself being vulnerable enough to feel like I was being "honest" with God, but was still holding back my true feelings because I didn't feel like I had a right to feel the way I felt. But God wants us to be 100% honest with Him regardless of what that looks like. In a relationship, vulnerability is key to intimacy. Why do we think it should be any different with our Lord?
It's been so sweet to see the way God continually builds on all of this by speaking the same things to me through people when they pray for me. Saturday night we had an all night worship service here on base and God really used that time to confirm even more the things He has been speaking to me.
P.S. This song is my current favorite/theme song for my life in this season. God is SO GOOD!
P.P.S. I am getting more and more excited to leave for the Dominican Republic and Haiti in a few days.
I cannot wait to share the freedom I have found with the people there.
God has been speaking a lot of vision to our team about what He wants to do on outreach and it's gonna be amazing! I'm SO PUMPED! :D
Monday, November 25, 2013
Freedom. [a picture of salvation]
A while back, God gave me a picture and recently He reminded me of it and expanded its meaning to me:
I saw a bunch of cages--one for each of us. These cages are the result of sin--missing the mark of God's best and falling short of His glory.
Jesus dying and rising again unlocked the cage to open the door.
Not believing in Him means staying in the cage as if it is still locked.
Believing in Him means acknowledging the cage and stepping out of it.
However, believing in Him but choosing to stay in fear and not live at our full height is like getting out of the cage but acting as if we are still in the cage.
That's where I feel like many of us have lived our lives on and off for a long time.
We may be free, but if we don't act like it, what good does that do?
Shouldn't we instead allow God to lead us about in the open place He has prepared for us.
As we enjoy the freedom, wouldn't we also want to walk to other cages--to those who are either still in the cage or standing next to it? Wouldn't we want to walk in God's Spirit to reveal true freedom to these people?
This is what I feel like true evangelism is--opening peoples' eyes to the cages they hold on to and showing them what they could have instead if only they would follow Christ's leading.
.
I saw a bunch of cages--one for each of us. These cages are the result of sin--missing the mark of God's best and falling short of His glory.
Jesus dying and rising again unlocked the cage to open the door.
Not believing in Him means staying in the cage as if it is still locked.
Believing in Him means acknowledging the cage and stepping out of it.
However, believing in Him but choosing to stay in fear and not live at our full height is like getting out of the cage but acting as if we are still in the cage.
That's where I feel like many of us have lived our lives on and off for a long time.
We may be free, but if we don't act like it, what good does that do?
Shouldn't we instead allow God to lead us about in the open place He has prepared for us.
As we enjoy the freedom, wouldn't we also want to walk to other cages--to those who are either still in the cage or standing next to it? Wouldn't we want to walk in God's Spirit to reveal true freedom to these people?
This is what I feel like true evangelism is--opening peoples' eyes to the cages they hold on to and showing them what they could have instead if only they would follow Christ's leading.
.
Saturday, November 23, 2013
Love and Freedom. [changing mindsets]
I originally wasn't really sure why God brought me to Montana for a DTS, but as I began this journey here, I discovered what God is teaching me. He's teaching me how to be. Just BE.
I can't pretend to have fully grasped this concept yet, but little by little God is changing the way I think.
If you know me well, you know I like to get things done and I like to get them done as soon as possible. I have usually for as long as I can remember been far more focused on the end result and moving on to the next task and season of life than the journey to get there. Looking back, I recognize that I have been this way my whole life.
As a baby, I would apparently only nurse for a few minutes at a time.
As a young child, I would sacrifice quality time with my family so I could get in bed early in order to wake up at the crack of dawn. This was so I could get my schoolwork done before breakfast to have the rest of the day to play. (homeschool life.. =P)
Academically, I've been on the fast track my whole life:
First grade started at age 4.
College began at age 15 and graduation was at 20.
From there I planned to attend law school and had it not been for God sending me to YWAM first, I would have presumably been a graduate from law school at age 23.
Crazy, right?!
Now please don't think I am saying all this to brag.
I'm saying this simply to explain the background of how I've lived my life and the focus shift God is working on in me.
I also do not think that being where I am in my life is wrong. I believe my academic abilities and the way I can accomplish things quickly is a giant gift straight from Heaven.
However, my attitude has needed some adjustments.
This is what I've been learning:
Life is never about what we do. It's about how we do it.
The Bible says little about what to do with our lives but more importantly that whatever we do we must do it with thanksgiving in the name of Jesus and for the glory of God. (Colossians 3:17; 1 Corinthians 10:31)
The more I understand this and put it into practice, the more peace I experience.
Furthermore, I've been continually challenged recently to ask myself my motivation for my choices.
Am I making my decisions out of faith? Or out of fear?
The same thing can be done from either point of view, so God has been gently showing me that whatever I choose, He wants me to walk in faith not fear. For righteousness comes through Faith rather than from what we do. (Romans 3:22)
So as I continue on in life, I am slowly learning to react to everything that comes my way with this:
"Thank you Jesus. I trust You."
It's been quite interesting to realize how little I trust Him when I start approaching life honestly. I think we often disguise fear as trust or cover up our insecurities by claiming to trust God.
But if it is not bringing peace or internal security, is it really trust?
Is it true faith?
If we truly believe that God is God and God is sovereign and that God is Love, then fear will leave.
So if there is still fear present, it simply is showing us that our dependency is not fully on the God of Love and our heart needs new revelation of His love.
Fear is not something to be condemned for those who are in Christ. Rather, fear, along with other sins, is part of the compass God has set in place to show us where our hearts are at. If we find ourselves desiring sinful things or we are walking in fear, this simply reveals a disconnect with the Father and shows us that we need to experience more of His love in our hearts and minds.
Again, all of this is a process, and there is much more I could say, but I wanted to share at least briefly some of the ways that God is working on re-wiring my brain while I'm here at YWAM.
.
I can't pretend to have fully grasped this concept yet, but little by little God is changing the way I think.
If you know me well, you know I like to get things done and I like to get them done as soon as possible. I have usually for as long as I can remember been far more focused on the end result and moving on to the next task and season of life than the journey to get there. Looking back, I recognize that I have been this way my whole life.
As a baby, I would apparently only nurse for a few minutes at a time.
As a young child, I would sacrifice quality time with my family so I could get in bed early in order to wake up at the crack of dawn. This was so I could get my schoolwork done before breakfast to have the rest of the day to play. (homeschool life.. =P)
Academically, I've been on the fast track my whole life:
First grade started at age 4.
College began at age 15 and graduation was at 20.
From there I planned to attend law school and had it not been for God sending me to YWAM first, I would have presumably been a graduate from law school at age 23.
Crazy, right?!
Now please don't think I am saying all this to brag.
I'm saying this simply to explain the background of how I've lived my life and the focus shift God is working on in me.
I also do not think that being where I am in my life is wrong. I believe my academic abilities and the way I can accomplish things quickly is a giant gift straight from Heaven.
However, my attitude has needed some adjustments.
This is what I've been learning:
Life is never about what we do. It's about how we do it.
The Bible says little about what to do with our lives but more importantly that whatever we do we must do it with thanksgiving in the name of Jesus and for the glory of God. (Colossians 3:17; 1 Corinthians 10:31)
The more I understand this and put it into practice, the more peace I experience.
Furthermore, I've been continually challenged recently to ask myself my motivation for my choices.
Am I making my decisions out of faith? Or out of fear?
The same thing can be done from either point of view, so God has been gently showing me that whatever I choose, He wants me to walk in faith not fear. For righteousness comes through Faith rather than from what we do. (Romans 3:22)
So as I continue on in life, I am slowly learning to react to everything that comes my way with this:
"Thank you Jesus. I trust You."
It's been quite interesting to realize how little I trust Him when I start approaching life honestly. I think we often disguise fear as trust or cover up our insecurities by claiming to trust God.
But if it is not bringing peace or internal security, is it really trust?
Is it true faith?
If we truly believe that God is God and God is sovereign and that God is Love, then fear will leave.
So if there is still fear present, it simply is showing us that our dependency is not fully on the God of Love and our heart needs new revelation of His love.
Fear is not something to be condemned for those who are in Christ. Rather, fear, along with other sins, is part of the compass God has set in place to show us where our hearts are at. If we find ourselves desiring sinful things or we are walking in fear, this simply reveals a disconnect with the Father and shows us that we need to experience more of His love in our hearts and minds.
Again, all of this is a process, and there is much more I could say, but I wanted to share at least briefly some of the ways that God is working on re-wiring my brain while I'm here at YWAM.
.
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