Endurance.

"His love endures forever."

This phrase is stated countless times throughout the bible.

It is repeated 26 times (once in each verse) in just Psalm 136 alone. 

I've heard and read this sentence over and over again throughout my life and even memorized Psalm 136 at one time, but it wasn't until the other day that I really started thinking about what this means to 'endure':

"to suffer (something difficult or painful) patiently."

"to carry on through/despite hardship" 

"to bear with tolerance" 

"to continue in the same state" 

"to remain firm under suffering or misfortune without yielding"

These are just a few definitions of the word, but this means: 

"His love [suffers patiently]."

"His love [carries on through/despite hardship]."

"His love [bears with tolerance]."

"His love [continues in the same state]."

"His love [remains firm under suffering without yielding]."

Wow.

It doesn't matter where we are in life.
It doesn't matter what we have or haven't done.

It doesn't matter what others have or haven't done.

It doesn't matter how much we resist His love because no matter what, His love

ENDURES.

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The Art of a Mosaic.

Over the course of my relatively short life thus far, and especially over the last year or so, I see a pattern in my relationship to my Creator.

I feel like my life is a microscopic tile in a giant mosaic masterpiece that is the picture of the whole world from the beginning of time to the end.  It feels as though I am sitting watching the Great Artist paint this picture. I sit here playing my own little version of "Pictionary," as I endlessly guess what the completed work is intended to be. 

Quite often, I start metaphorically (and possibly literally) jumping up and down saying, "Oh I get it! THAT'S what it's supposed to look like!" I then reach for the paint brush and begin filling in the picture according to my idea of what it is depicting. 

However, my artistic abilities are clearly lacking and so soon enough, I relinquish control back to the Artist. 

But as I continue to watch Him paint, I become ever indignant with the seemingly random and out-of-place brush strokes that do not fit whatever it is that I think He is painting or should be painting. 

I thus start complaining, telling Him, "Why did you draw that line?! That messes it up! It's not supposed to be there! Where did that smudge come from?!" 

But gently, over and over again, the Artist just keeps assuring me, "Trust me! Just wait and you will see what it will be if you will only be patient and stop interrupting me. I promise it will be beautiful! Just wait!" 

Yet, at times that is hard to believe because it feels like all I can see is the drop-cloth...or at least that's all it seems to be. But then I am reminded that not only can I not see my entire picture, I most certainly cannot see the much bigger picture of history of which I am only a small part. 

Yes, my little tile in the mosaic masterpiece is important, but its importance seems to be a minute detail in comparison with the rest of the whole. After all, if it gets a little messed up by my ignorant attempts to contribute, the Artist is surely good enough to tie in those "mis-strokes" and make them enrich the beauty of the whole. Not only that, but when I think about a mosaic, there is a lot of variety that can take place in each tile to still produce the final complete work. So why am I so afraid I might somehow mess it up by making a wrong decision? God is bigger than that!

But the very thing that makes a mosaic so amazing is the parts of which it is made up.

We each have something to offer.


That is the beauty of this life. 

But Jesus wants to be the One painting our picture.


He is the only One who knows what color our tile is supposed to be.

It's when we give the paintbrush to Him and stop trying to interfere that our life is as it should be: 

beautiful.

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Summer.

Sunny days with nothing to do but enjoy this life God has given me.
Mmmmmm could it get much better?
Sometimes I can hardly believe how blessed I am to have grown up in this beautiful place.
Since leaving and returning, I've realized how much I took it for granted, and I am so thankful that I get to spend the summer here at home!
These last few weeks have been amazing, and I can't wait to see what God has planned for the rest of this season!

In the words of Tom Sawyer, "Ain't life good!" <3

"Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." ~Matthew 11:28-30


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Perspective.

As I was flying into the San Jose airport last night, I had a perspective reminder as often I do when I fly.

I was looking down at the lights of the city and the specks of light--cars--on the freeway.

Those specks of light moving along the road each have in them at least one speck of a person on their way somewhere.

Each speck of light shining from each house represents a person and most often a family too.

Then I thought about the times I'm sitting in my house or driving somewhere and how I'm just one of those specks. 

The world consists of billions of us. 

There is no way anyone mind could keep track of anyone much less care about each and every one. 

Yet, that is exactly what God, our heavenly Father does! 

He created each of us, and is not only able to keep track of each individual person every second of every day, but He also keeps track of every other living thing as well!  Not only that, but He also loves each one of us more deeply than we can imagine! 

"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." ~Matthew 10:29-31

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth,  nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." ~Romans 8:38-39

Umm...can we say WOW?!



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Madre.

Patricia Sue Wallace Pickens: a selfless servant of Christ, her family, and countless others.
This is who she is.
I couldn't ask for a better mother.
She has taught me what it means to serve.
She has taught me what it means to listen.
She has taught me what it means to persevere.
She has taught me what it means to follow Christ.

There are far too many memories to list. She has done so much. She continues to do so much. But since I can't be at home today to spend the day with her, I wanted to write something for the mother I owe so much to yet can never repay.

Dear Madre,

Thank you for:

Washing the dishes for me when I was too tired or just plain lazy.
Cleaning my room (or "pig-sty") even though I should have cleaned it myself.
Doing my hair when I was too lazy to learn how to do it myself.
Changing the sheets when I wet the bed. (no, this was not recent)
Vacuuming/cleaning up my vomit off the floor when I woke up sick. (remember that one time I threw-up every other night for 2 weeks?)
Waking up with me in the night when I couldn't sleep.
Bringing me breakfast or lunch or dinner in bed when I was sick even if I could have gotten up and made it myself.
Giving me back rubs and "tucking me in."
Braiding my hair when I was sick and hadn't showered in a week.
Spanking me when I deserved it.
Showing mercy when I should have been spanked.
Making my bed more perfectly than is humanly possible.
Staying up late helping me pack the night before I move back to school because I procrastinated until the last moment even though you told me for weeks that I couldn't wait until the last minute.
Listening to my whining and complaining and counselling me through life.
Giving me "medicine" aka tickling me to make me laugh instead of cry which always somehow worked even though I would always deny it because I hate being tickled.
Sending me that surprise care-package that included home-made banana muffins.
Spending hours and hours sewing or knitting Christmas gifts.
Cooking dinner for the entire family day after day.
"Forcing" me to clean the bathroom because she wanted me to learn how even though I never cleaned it as well as she would have liked.
Giving birth to me and my six amazing siblings.
Faithfully taking care of each of the five of your seven children as we went through the wisdom-teeth extraction process. (My face loved those ice-pack contraptions you made.)
Teaching six of your seven children to drive even though you never let us forget that you "didn't sign up for this part of parenting!"
Homeschooling all seven of your children.
Baking homemade bread for years on end. (I used to think store-bought was a special treat...oh for those days...)
Supporting my crazy decision to move across the country for school.
Listening to me cry.
Listening to me cry.
And....Listening to me cry.

This list could go on for a long, long, LONG time, but I think my point is clear:
I could never ask for a different mother because I have the best one!
I am so blessed to have such a woman in my life.
I love you Mom.

Happy Mother's Day!

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Forgiven.

There are many lies that the devil loves to plant in our minds.

These lies sink deep in our hearts if we do not recognize that they are not truth.

We take a strong hold of them and as a result they eat away at us. 

These lies affect a lot more than most of us realize. 

I feel as though we often mistake our problems as being caused by external factors.

But the truth is that the biggest struggles we face come from within.

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." (Ephesians 6:12)

One of the biggest lies that Satan uses is that of self-condemnation.
We make a mistake. We do things we know are wrong. We act out of bitterness or anger. We are selfish. We are impatient. The list goes on...
The devil usually does one of two things when we sin:
    He tries to help us justify our actions by twisting or stretching the truth.
OR
     If he knows we know something we did was wrong, he pours shame and condemnation over us telling us         that we messed up too bad this time. We are slaves to sin and there can be no forgiveness or freedom from that.

But either one is a trap. Satan lies. It's what he does best.

Now I'm writing most of this to myself, because I have seen the devil try to spin these tales time and time again, but I'm realizing that I DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN because the truth is this:

"If we confess our sins, [God] is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9)

 The Bible tells us over and over again that God is full of grace and compassion. He is slow to anger and abounding in love. His mercies never end. They begin new every single day! We are forgiven from our past mistakes. There is no reason to dwell on what is no longer there. The present is all we have.

"Forget the former things. Do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." (Isaiah 43:18-19)

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Promise of Peace from the Prince of Peace.

Many wise people have said,

"Never let your circumstances define you. You must define your circumstances."

We can't control what happens. We can only control our reactions.

So,

"Rejoice in the Lord always! I will say it again: REJOICE! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." ~Philippians 4:4-7

I've always loved these verses, but it kind of just hit me today: the last part is a promise! 

The peace of God WILL guard our hearts and minds in Jesus if we hold up our end of the deal and rejoice, not being anxious, and presenting our concerns to God through prayer with thanksgiving. 

That's a guarantee. 

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