Rejuvenated. Revitalized. Set Free. [Hearing God's Voice]

Wow. I'm sitting here completely in awe right now.

I've been wanting to update people on my life here at YWAM so I had planned to write a blog about the cold showers we had the entire first week and how we finally found out that we aren't supposed to have cold showers. Thanks to the word getting out to staff that the showers were cold, I now am able to take a hot shower without having to strategically plan the timing of my shower or get up at the break of dawn. (Praise the Lord!)
What I noticed was interesting is that we all had just come to accept the fact that showers were going to be cold or lukewarm at best and assumed it would stay that way since there are so many people sharing so few showers.
Thankfully that is not the case.
However, the whole situation reminded me of how we as Christians often live. We forget or are unaware of the promises God keeps and thus settle to live in situations that are not what were intended.
James 4:2 says that we do not have certain things because we do not bring our requests to God.
He is our Heavenly Father, people! He knows how to give good gifts to His children.
Let's not miss out on His best just because we are simply not paying attention.

All that was great, but I felt like there was something more God wanted me to share, so here it is:

The focus for this week's lectures has been "Hearing God's Voice." Mike Philips has done an amazing job teaching us about this and often gives us opportunities to practice the tools we learn.

The other night, he had us ask God what it is He is working on in us. When I posed this question to God, I heard instantly:

"Dignity..as a woman of God." 

That seemed really random, but as I asked Him about it and looked up the one verse listed in  my mini concordance with the word dignity in it, I was encouraged. Proverbs 31:25, in process of describing a wife of noble character, says, "She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come." Reading this was reassuring that what I heard made sense as it put it into a little bit of context, but I didn't think a whole lot more about it...until tonight.

This evening after dinner, I came back to my room to get some reading done and then decided to ask God about some things that were weighing on my heart. One of the things I've been struggling with is the fear that my conversations with Him are imaginary. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt He speaks to me certain things, but sometimes I wonder how much of what I hear is Him and how much of it I'm making up in my head.

So I asked Him to build my faith and confirm that I'm hearing from Him in the little things. I then moved on from that issue and eventually found myself just lying on my bed relaxing.
Then all of a sudden a thought popped into my head:
I remembered that the staff here had written each of us a note to welcome us. In my note were a couple words they felt God had spoken about me as they prayed for me.  I had completely forgotten about this note and even more so what it said. But out of nowhere the Lord reminded me by bringing the memory to my mind that one of the words was dignity.

I jumped up to find the note and sure enough there it was:

"God sees you as someone of dignity and strength." 

I looked back at Proverbs 31:25...strength and dignity.
I could hardly believe it.
God had spoken.
In this moment so much was confirmed for me. Although I feel that I still have more to learn about what these words mean exactly for me, it's the confirmation of God speaking that means the most to me right now.
But it didn't stop there.
After all this, some of my fellow DTS students and I met together to practice what we have been learning and to ask God what He would have us do. We felt that He wanted to encourage and strengthen us through one another so we decided to do a prophecy exercise to practice hearing God's messages for people.
And wow, more and more confirmation that God is speaking to us came through that.
I am so very encouraged and am feeling in complete awe of the way God speaks ever so gently and clearly to His children.

Hearing God's voice is invigorating and freeing.

However, just like the cold showers, so many of us have settled for living a life with far less communication with God than intended.
But we are supposed to have hot showers, people! He WANTS to speak to us!
To me.
To you.
If you ask and listen, He will answer.
He will speak.
He wants to communicate with us.
We just have to pay attention, be patient, and let Him in.

HE IS SO GOOD!

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Goodbye Religion. [hello Freedom]

There is a disease that has plagued Christians for generations upon generations. I too have suffered from this disease. It is not a disease of the body, (although I'm sure that there are more bodily manifestations than we realize), but no, it is something of a different sort.
It is the disease against which so many in our world are reacting.
It is what keeps so many from coming to know the Truth.
It is what keeps so many who "know" the Truth from being free.
It is the spirit of religion. Or rather--religion that the Father does NOT accept as pure and faultless.

James tells us that "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."  (James 1:27, NIV)

If that is what God sees as religion, what the heck have so many of us been doing all these years??
Also, it is important to realize that our Faith goes far beyond religion--even the pure kind.
Religion as we know it in this world is only a tweaked and polluted version of what true religion is.
Because of this, I don't like to use the terms "religion" or "religious" at all. I have heard too many people object to Christianity because they "don't like religion" or "don't want to be tied to a religion."
I have also seen too many of us Christians bound by the unhealthy fear that is saturated and rooted in religion.
Jesus came to bring Freedom--this goes far beyond an escape from hell.
Jesus came to bring Life! Real, abundant Life.
What does religion do for us? It binds up. It tears down. It kills the soul. It kills dreams. It divides households.
I feel as if I can identify with Paul as he wrote in Galatians 5:

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery....You who are trying to be justified by the law have been alienated from Christ; you have fallen away from grace....The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love." (Galatians 5:1, 4, 6, NIV)

I'm sorry, did you miss that? The ONLY thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love."

So let's stop striving for anything more than that.
Let us step back, let go of our religious fears, and let Jesus do His thing.
When we resolve to be nothing but a vessel through which His Spirit can work and bring Life, we become free from the burden of religion and fear.
We will begin to bring Life to others and will produce Fruit that is so incredibly saturated with heaven that the Freedom and Love in our lives will be immeasurable.

Feeling Helpless. [when you don't know what to say]

The bad news these days never seems to end.
Depression and anxiety are running rampant.
If you have never been through any big trials in your life, you might be tempted to just throw a bunch of [christian] cliches at people's problems.
But I know first hand that life is not always that easy.
This world is messed up.
Very few things in life seem to fall under a category other than 'complicated'.
The "right answer" doesn't always work.

So to everyone out there who feels like things are falling apart--to everyone who feels alone, abandoned, helpless, hopeless, desperate, angry, confused, hurt, and/or just utterly overwhelmed by life, this song comes directly from my heart to yours because it expresses exactly how I feel and the only cure I have found to the sickness of this world.

"Life gets tough, and times get hard

It's hard to find the truth in all the lies

If you're tired of wondering why

Your heart isn't healing

And nothing feels like home

Cause you're lost and alone just screaming at the sky

When you don't know what to say

Just say Jesus

There is power in the name

The name of Jesus

If the words won't come

Cause you're too afraid to pray

Just say Jesus

Whisper it now, or shout it out

However it comes out, He hears your cry

Out of nowhere He will come, you got to believe it

He will rescue you

Just call out to the Way, The Truth, The Light

When you don't know what to say

Just say Jesus

There's still power in the name

The name of Jesus

If the words won't come

Cause you're too afraid to pray

There is just one name

Strong enough to save

There is just one name

There is just one name

Jesus

When you don't know what to say

Just say Jesus

There's still power in the name

The name of Jesus

If the words won't come

Cause you're too afraid to pray

If the words won't come

And you don't know what to say

Just say Jesus"

The Elephant. [life is beautiful]

In my experience, one of the toughest battles to fight is the battle of the mind. I've relied a lot on logic and reason in my life because I believe them to be largely trustworthy. (Hence, the love of math and thus my degree choice. =P)
To look at the world through the eyes of reason provides a consistent framework with which to view everything.

But, I'm learning that sometimes logic fails us when we only see part of the picture.

Often times I feel like this is our world:

I feel like one of those blind men in the picture. In fact, I think a lot of us are like those men.

The reason there is so much disunity is because we all are given a different part of the puzzle to solve. 

None of us know the full story. 

If we are standing next to the foot of the elephant thinking it's a tree, we will naturally surround ourselves with people who are experiencing the same thing. Even if they are next to a different leg, their perspective will be basically the same.

But what happens when someone next to the leg meets someone sitting on top of the elephant? 

What happens when one person is adamant that it's a tree, while the other is sure that it's a fan? 

What then?  

We tell ourselves it's best to be with people who think like us. But what if the only way to draw together is to realize that we don't have the full picture?

Now, please do not think that I am adopting a relativistic world view as so many hold these days.

There most certainly is absolute truth. 

The truth is that it's an elephant. 

But only when our blind eyes are open can we recognize that. 

Again, we each only have our small piece of the big puzzle.

It is of utmost importance to open our ears to those around us and realize that they each have something to teach us. 

We have to learn from each other. 

There's a reason James reminds us we should be "quick to listen, slow to speak".  (James 1:19)

Everyone needs a voice. 

Everyone needs to be heard.

As far as being able to actually see the whole elephant, there is One who can open blind eyes. 

Right now is one of those moments when I feel like I have been given a glimpse of the whole picture.

This perspective--the perspective of truth brings freedom.

Jesus promised us, "If you hold to my teaching [and gain My perspective], you are really my disciples. Then you will know the Truth, and the Truth will set you free." (John 8:31-32)

When we step back and recognize the beauty of the whole, we are able to rest in knowing that it's all gonna be okay. The world is in the palm of Someone's hand much greater than all of us. 

It's moments like these I realize why Jesus said [indignantly], "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?" (Luke 12:25)

We worriers are so silly sometimes. (I'm as guilty of this as anyone.)

But I mean for reals! Let's think less about what is going wrong and what could go wrong and take a minute to relax, "smell the roses," and remember: 

Life is Beautiful.

2012. [my year in review & a giant 'thank-you']

Well it's that time of year again: a time to reflect.
2012 was one heck of a ride.
Man it's crazy to think about how much happened in the last year!
The events of 2012 broke me in so many ways: physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
I was touched by cancer, heartbreak, confusion, anger, bitterness, depression, and the list goes on...
But those things are not what I see when I look back over the year.
Instead I see how I was touched by God: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
I experienced healing, was given clarity and peace, was taught more fully how to trust, how to forgive and how to rejoice daily, and was given so many other amazing gifts it would take me quite some time to speak of them all.
I was deeply impacted by an active God who sent me the best of friends at just the right times.
He sustained me and renewed me.
He kept His promises to be with me through fire.
He gave me peace beyond understanding.
He whispered to me words of comfort in my pain and danced with me in my joy.
He answered prayers and fulfilled dreams.
He has turned my weeping into dancing time and time again.
His pursuit is unending.

This year may not have been what I was expecting. It was certainly not what I would have chosen if you had asked me a year ago to describe my ideal 2012. But, when do things ever turn out exactly how we want or plan? After all, God did say:

"As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are My ways higher than your ways
and My thoughts than your thoughts." ~Isaiah 55:9

So I thank God for His ways in 2012 and look forward to His ways working through 2013 and beyond!
I would also like to thank each of you who made my year what it was.
I was just reading over some of the many notes I received during the summer and they made me cry once again.
The love I've received this year both in response to news of cancer and in general has been immeasurable.
I want you to know that I love you all and am filled with gratitude from the bottom of my heart for the blessings that I came to know in 2012.

<3 HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! <3

Hope. [when tragedy strikes]

It's amazing to see the compassion in everyone's hearts after the events of yesterday, but is there more we can do aside from posting a status about our shock and sentiments?
Sometimes it's difficult to know how to respond to such abhorrent tragedies, but Rene Schlaepfer said something really profound last night that has stuck in my head.

In answer to the question of how to react to the events of yesterday he said

"Don't respond to hate with hate; respond with Love. 

Don't respond to despair with despair; respond with Hope."

I think it's often tempting to give into fear and despair because we think that this is how we are supposed to respond. We think that if we aren't feeling the hopelessness the people there are feeling then we aren't compassionate enough. 
But how wrong is that? 
We should ache in empathy for those who are hurting,  but true compassion is accompanied with action. True compassion lasts. I urge us all to realize that the immediate support response has been overwhelming, but the real need will come in the days, months, and years ahead. There will be a time when everyone else forgets, but the parents are still living without their children. The children will still live with the horrific memories. The community will still live in shock and bewilderment at the evil that entered their town.

As CNN states, it seems, "The overwhelming sentiment: Hug your kids closely."
Really? That's it? All we can do is appreciate those we love because we never know when they will be snatched from us?
Is there not more hope than that? Did not Jesus come for the very purpose of healing and freedom? 
Healing from broken hearts. Healing memories. Setting people free from the past. Setting people free from horrors that bind them to regret, fear, and despair. 

As Christians we have something to offer those in Connecticut.
"The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective." (James 5:16b) 

Let's not forget that we can intercede on behalf of the victims of this evil.
Let's not forget that there is Hope!
Let's not forget that Jesus redeems the unredeemable.
Let's not forget that Jesus heals the unhealable.
Let's not forget that we have a part to play in that healing.
Our prayers and thoughts of empathy need to not end when we are able to brush past our thoughts of this horror.
It is our responsibility as those who know the Hope to help provide the Hope.

So in this tragedy and all others like it, I challenge all of you who serve our King:
Don't forget; don't despair. 
Instead remember; instead bring Hope. 
Take action: PRAY! 
Pray that the hope and restoration that you have found will become real to the people of Connecticut. 
Pray that the love and healing that you know to be real will be poured over the people of Connecticut. 
Pray and don't stop. 
My prayer is that I will not forget. 
My prayer is that God will continue to bring these people to our hearts and minds in the days to come when the horror and pain sink in for those directly touched by the evil while everyone else moves on.






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Time. [scattered thoughts in the midst of finals]

As a 5th year college senior, sometimes I wonder about the purpose of time.
They say, "Time is money."
But what if that changed?
What if in this world time did not matter?
Think of the people we would be--no longer sleep deprived because an alarm to awaken us unnaturally would not be needed.
Think of the backs that would lose all the tension and the brains that ache no longer mentioned because the stress would be alleviated.
No more deadlines. No more time crunch.
No more pressure to quicken the pace.
Late would be a foreign concept.
Early wouldn't exist either.
What if time wasn't money?
What if?
Let's bring time back to being just a way to mark our place but nothing more.
What if our world operated in a way that valued time spent as it was happening instead of only valuing the time that is to come or the time that has passed?
Time is a gift.
We can enjoy anticipation or we can run right by it.
We can stop and smell the metaphorical roses or we can live our lives like bare-feet on hot coals, racing through just trying not to fall.
We hurt ourselves.
They say we forfeit years of life for minutes of worry.
We end up losing the very time we try so hard to gain.
And to what end?
Did we enjoy our time?
What if time were just a word and not money?
What if...