Sleepless nights.

"What if a thousand sleepless nights is what it takes to know You're near?"


These lyrics from the song "Blessings" by Laura Story have been running through my mind quite a bit as of late.

The last week or so has been quite interesting for me. I have lost my appetite for food. (some of which is due to the choices available here at school, but mostly my stomach just doesn't want me to feed it.) I also have lost my ability to sleep. Okay...maybe that's a little extreme...but really, I have not been sleeping well at all. I've gone to bed at a plenty decent hour numerous nights, but no matter what time I go to sleep, I wake up about 5 or so hours later and lie there for at least an hour before I can doze off again. Now during these many hours I have spent just lying in bed (too tired to do anything, yet unable to sleep), I have had lots of time to think and pray.

My first reaction to my situation is naturally to complain. "THIS SUCKS!"

But gently, God keeps reminding me of the verse in 2 Corinthians that says,

“My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.” 

Now for many people, not sleeping wouldn't seem like that big of deal. However, anyone who knows me well knows that I NEED my sleep. If I don't get enough, I get cranky, stressed, and usually end up sick.  But for whatever reason, God is choosing to take away my control of this area. I can no longer choose how much sleep I get. I'm being forced to rely on Him for my strength, but the truth is that His strength is far better than my strength, so why do I complain?


"Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9

GOD.IS.GOOD.

Tonight I was randomly looking at old messages and chat history on Facebook (because you can awesomely look at really old messages now), and I came across a conversation with a friend from about three years ago that reminded me of how good God is.
Three years ago...
I was going to community college, unsure of whether I would transfer or not.
I had no job.
I had very little ambition or vision for my future.
I lived for daily online chats and texting conversations.
I wasn't alive!
Today I am a senior at Spring Arbor University, looking to graduate in Spring of 2013 with a teaching degree, certified to teach both math and biology at the secondary level.
Now I'm not trying to imply that a degree is everything--certainly not!
My point is rather that I now have a calling and a passion that I didn't have before.
I have an amazing, daily relationship with God. (I'm constantly learning more about what this really looks like/should look like.)
I'm stoked for my future, but I'm also really excited to just live life right now.
I could go on and on about all the differences between my life now and my life three years ago, but basically I'm just in awe of the goodness and faithfulness of God.
He has used some really tough times to turn my heart around and draw me closer to Him and into such a better, more full life.
I never realized back then how dead I was. Looking back and reading my messages made me realize that I wasn't really living three years ago.
But I am now.
Jesus is my everything, and I'm STOKED to see where else He takes me and what else He has for me.


Proverbs 3:5-6


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