HDR. [best team ever]

Here is a video one of my teammates put together introducing our awesome team. I could not ask for a better group to spend the next two months with serving the people of Dominican Republic and Haiti. :)
We are Team HDR: Haiti. Dominican Republic.
Bringing Hope.
Bringing Discipleship.
Bringing Restoration.

Love. [revelation that brings peace]

A while ago, I asked God for a picture of His love that would speak to me in a new way. This is what He said:

"My love is like an ocean--so vast you cannot see the end.
My waves of love are constant and powerful.
There are times when you get hit with bigger waves than others--those are beautiful moments when you find the reality of my love.
Other times, my love is more gentle like when the waves are small.
But even when the waves are small or you are between waves, or when you are sitting on shore, or in the middle past the waves, my love does not change.
In fact it is when you are truly in the center of my love that it doesn't knock you over.
When you pass the waves into open sea, it feels different, but my Love does not change.
Sometimes out of my love, I toss you onto shore so you can stand back and see just how great my love is, but I will always draw you back into my love with another wave.
I want you to spend your life in the middle of the ocean, trusting me to bring the right waves at the right time.
I also want to teach you how to "surf" so that you can ride the waves of my love with joy instead of brokenness--I do not desire to always knock you down and break you with my love.
I want to have fun with you, and I want you to teach others to surf the waves of my love because they are looking for someone to teach them."

Recently, I was feeling really restless and asked God why I felt unsatisfied and frustrated. I sensed Him saying, "Hannah, you are not letting Me love all of you."
At first I didn't know what this meant but over the last week or so He has been so faithful to show me what it means to let Him love me.He is teaching me how to give up control by being completely vulnerable with Him--He wants to love the parts of us that we are ashamed of.
So often I have found myself being vulnerable enough to feel like I was being "honest" with God, but was still holding back my true feelings because I didn't feel like I had a right to feel the way I felt. But God wants us to be 100% honest with Him regardless of what that looks like. In a relationship, vulnerability is key to intimacy. Why do we think it should be any different with our Lord?
It's been so sweet to see the way God continually builds on all of this by speaking the same things to me through people when they pray for me. Saturday night we had an all night worship service here on base and God really used that time to confirm even more the things He has been speaking to me.

P.S. This song is my current favorite/theme song for my life in this season. God is SO GOOD!

P.P.S. I am getting more and more excited to leave for the Dominican Republic and Haiti in a few days.
I cannot wait to share the freedom I have found with the people there.
God has been speaking a lot of vision to our team about what He wants to do on outreach and it's gonna be amazing! I'm SO PUMPED! :D

Freedom. [a picture of salvation]

A while back, God gave me a picture and recently He reminded me of it and expanded its meaning to me:

I saw a bunch of cages--one for each of us. These cages are the result of sin--missing the mark of God's best and falling short of His glory.
Jesus dying and rising again unlocked the cage to open the door.
Not believing in Him means staying in the cage as if it is still locked.
Believing in Him means acknowledging the cage and stepping out of it.
However, believing in Him but choosing to stay in fear and not live at our full height is like getting out of the cage but acting as if we are still in the cage.
That's where I feel like many of us have lived our lives on and off for a long time.
We may be free, but if we don't act like it, what good does that do?
Shouldn't we instead allow God to lead us about in the open place He has prepared for us.
As we enjoy the freedom, wouldn't we also want to walk to other cages--to those who are either still in the cage or standing next to it? Wouldn't we want to walk in God's Spirit to reveal true freedom to these people?
This is what I feel like true evangelism is--opening peoples' eyes to the cages they hold on to and showing them what they could have instead if only they would follow Christ's leading.



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Love and Freedom. [changing mindsets]

I originally wasn't really sure why God brought me to Montana for a DTS, but as I began this journey here, I discovered what God is teaching me. He's teaching me how to be. Just BE.

I can't pretend to have fully grasped this concept yet, but little by little God is changing the way I think.

If you know me well, you know I like to get things done and I like to get them done as soon as possible. I have usually for as long as I can remember been far more focused on the end result and moving on to the next task and season of life than the journey to get there. Looking back, I recognize that I have been this way my whole life.
As a baby, I would apparently only nurse for a few minutes at a time.
As a young child, I would sacrifice quality time with my family so I could get in bed early in order to wake up at the crack of dawn. This was so I could get my schoolwork done before breakfast to have the rest of the day to play. (homeschool life.. =P)
Academically, I've been on the fast track  my whole life:
First grade started at age 4.
College began at age 15 and graduation was at 20.
From there I planned to attend law school and had it not been for God sending  me to YWAM first, I would have presumably been a graduate from law school at age 23.
Crazy, right?!

Now please don't think I am saying all this to brag.
I'm saying this simply to explain the background of how I've lived my life and the focus shift God is working on in me.
I also do not think that being where I am in my life is wrong. I believe my academic abilities and the way I can accomplish things quickly is a giant gift straight from Heaven.
However, my attitude has needed some adjustments.
This is what I've been learning:

Life is never about what we do. It's about how we do it.
The Bible says little about what to do with our lives but more importantly that whatever we do we must do it with thanksgiving in the name of Jesus and for the glory of God. (Colossians 3:17; 1 Corinthians 10:31)
The more I understand this and put it into practice, the more peace I experience.

Furthermore, I've been continually challenged recently to ask myself my motivation for my choices.
Am I making my decisions out of faith? Or out of fear?
The same thing can be done from either point of view, so God has been gently showing me that whatever I choose, He wants me to walk in faith not fear. For righteousness comes through Faith rather than from what we do. (Romans 3:22)

So as I continue on in life, I am slowly learning to react to everything that comes my way with this:
"Thank you Jesus. I trust You."
It's been quite interesting to realize how little I trust Him when I start approaching life honestly. I think we often disguise fear as trust or cover up our insecurities by claiming to trust God.
But if it is not bringing peace or internal security, is it really trust?
Is it true faith?
If we truly believe that God is God and God is sovereign and that God is Love, then fear will leave.
So if there is still fear present, it simply is showing us that our dependency is not fully on the God of Love and our heart needs new revelation of His love.
Fear is not something to be condemned for those who are in Christ.  Rather, fear, along with other sins, is part of the compass God has set in place to show us where our hearts are at. If we find ourselves desiring sinful things or we are walking in fear, this simply reveals a disconnect with the Father and shows us that we need to experience more of His love in our hearts and minds.
Again, all of this is a process, and there is much more I could say, but I wanted to share at least briefly some of the ways that God is working on re-wiring my brain while I'm here at YWAM.



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Rejuvenated. Revitalized. Set Free. [Hearing God's Voice]

Wow. I'm sitting here completely in awe right now.

I've been wanting to update people on my life here at YWAM so I had planned to write a blog about the cold showers we had the entire first week and how we finally found out that we aren't supposed to have cold showers. Thanks to the word getting out to staff that the showers were cold, I now am able to take a hot shower without having to strategically plan the timing of my shower or get up at the break of dawn. (Praise the Lord!)
What I noticed was interesting is that we all had just come to accept the fact that showers were going to be cold or lukewarm at best and assumed it would stay that way since there are so many people sharing so few showers.
Thankfully that is not the case.
However, the whole situation reminded me of how we as Christians often live. We forget or are unaware of the promises God keeps and thus settle to live in situations that are not what were intended.
James 4:2 says that we do not have certain things because we do not bring our requests to God.
He is our Heavenly Father, people! He knows how to give good gifts to His children.
Let's not miss out on His best just because we are simply not paying attention.

All that was great, but I felt like there was something more God wanted me to share, so here it is:

The focus for this week's lectures has been "Hearing God's Voice." Mike Philips has done an amazing job teaching us about this and often gives us opportunities to practice the tools we learn.

The other night, he had us ask God what it is He is working on in us. When I posed this question to God, I heard instantly:

"Dignity..as a woman of God." 

That seemed really random, but as I asked Him about it and looked up the one verse listed in  my mini concordance with the word dignity in it, I was encouraged. Proverbs 31:25, in process of describing a wife of noble character, says, "She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come." Reading this was reassuring that what I heard made sense as it put it into a little bit of context, but I didn't think a whole lot more about it...until tonight.

This evening after dinner, I came back to my room to get some reading done and then decided to ask God about some things that were weighing on my heart. One of the things I've been struggling with is the fear that my conversations with Him are imaginary. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt He speaks to me certain things, but sometimes I wonder how much of what I hear is Him and how much of it I'm making up in my head.

So I asked Him to build my faith and confirm that I'm hearing from Him in the little things. I then moved on from that issue and eventually found myself just lying on my bed relaxing.
Then all of a sudden a thought popped into my head:
I remembered that the staff here had written each of us a note to welcome us. In my note were a couple words they felt God had spoken about me as they prayed for me.  I had completely forgotten about this note and even more so what it said. But out of nowhere the Lord reminded me by bringing the memory to my mind that one of the words was dignity.

I jumped up to find the note and sure enough there it was:

"God sees you as someone of dignity and strength." 

I looked back at Proverbs 31:25...strength and dignity.
I could hardly believe it.
God had spoken.
In this moment so much was confirmed for me. Although I feel that I still have more to learn about what these words mean exactly for me, it's the confirmation of God speaking that means the most to me right now.
But it didn't stop there.
After all this, some of my fellow DTS students and I met together to practice what we have been learning and to ask God what He would have us do. We felt that He wanted to encourage and strengthen us through one another so we decided to do a prophecy exercise to practice hearing God's messages for people.
And wow, more and more confirmation that God is speaking to us came through that.
I am so very encouraged and am feeling in complete awe of the way God speaks ever so gently and clearly to His children.

Hearing God's voice is invigorating and freeing.

However, just like the cold showers, so many of us have settled for living a life with far less communication with God than intended.
But we are supposed to have hot showers, people! He WANTS to speak to us!
To me.
To you.
If you ask and listen, He will answer.
He will speak.
He wants to communicate with us.
We just have to pay attention, be patient, and let Him in.

HE IS SO GOOD!

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Goodbye Religion. [hello Freedom]

There is a disease that has plagued Christians for generations upon generations. I too have suffered from this disease. It is not a disease of the body, (although I'm sure that there are more bodily manifestations than we realize), but no, it is something of a different sort.
It is the disease against which so many in our world are reacting.
It is what keeps so many from coming to know the Truth.
It is what keeps so many who "know" the Truth from being free.
It is the spirit of religion. Or rather--religion that the Father does NOT accept as pure and faultless.

James tells us that "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."  (James 1:27, NIV)

If that is what God sees as religion, what the heck have so many of us been doing all these years??
Also, it is important to realize that our Faith goes far beyond religion--even the pure kind.
Religion as we know it in this world is only a tweaked and polluted version of what true religion is.
Because of this, I don't like to use the terms "religion" or "religious" at all. I have heard too many people object to Christianity because they "don't like religion" or "don't want to be tied to a religion."
I have also seen too many of us Christians bound by the unhealthy fear that is saturated and rooted in religion.
Jesus came to bring Freedom--this goes far beyond an escape from hell.
Jesus came to bring Life! Real, abundant Life.
What does religion do for us? It binds up. It tears down. It kills the soul. It kills dreams. It divides households.
I feel as if I can identify with Paul as he wrote in Galatians 5:

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery....You who are trying to be justified by the law have been alienated from Christ; you have fallen away from grace....The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love." (Galatians 5:1, 4, 6, NIV)

I'm sorry, did you miss that? The ONLY thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love."

So let's stop striving for anything more than that.
Let us step back, let go of our religious fears, and let Jesus do His thing.
When we resolve to be nothing but a vessel through which His Spirit can work and bring Life, we become free from the burden of religion and fear.
We will begin to bring Life to others and will produce Fruit that is so incredibly saturated with heaven that the Freedom and Love in our lives will be immeasurable.

Feeling Helpless. [when you don't know what to say]

The bad news these days never seems to end.
Depression and anxiety are running rampant.
If you have never been through any big trials in your life, you might be tempted to just throw a bunch of [christian] cliches at people's problems.
But I know first hand that life is not always that easy.
This world is messed up.
Very few things in life seem to fall under a category other than 'complicated'.
The "right answer" doesn't always work.

So to everyone out there who feels like things are falling apart--to everyone who feels alone, abandoned, helpless, hopeless, desperate, angry, confused, hurt, and/or just utterly overwhelmed by life, this song comes directly from my heart to yours because it expresses exactly how I feel and the only cure I have found to the sickness of this world.

"Life gets tough, and times get hard

It's hard to find the truth in all the lies

If you're tired of wondering why

Your heart isn't healing

And nothing feels like home

Cause you're lost and alone just screaming at the sky

When you don't know what to say

Just say Jesus

There is power in the name

The name of Jesus

If the words won't come

Cause you're too afraid to pray

Just say Jesus

Whisper it now, or shout it out

However it comes out, He hears your cry

Out of nowhere He will come, you got to believe it

He will rescue you

Just call out to the Way, The Truth, The Light

When you don't know what to say

Just say Jesus

There's still power in the name

The name of Jesus

If the words won't come

Cause you're too afraid to pray

There is just one name

Strong enough to save

There is just one name

There is just one name

Jesus

When you don't know what to say

Just say Jesus

There's still power in the name

The name of Jesus

If the words won't come

Cause you're too afraid to pray

If the words won't come

And you don't know what to say

Just say Jesus"

The Elephant. [life is beautiful]

In my experience, one of the toughest battles to fight is the battle of the mind. I've relied a lot on logic and reason in my life because I believe them to be largely trustworthy. (Hence, the love of math and thus my degree choice. =P)
To look at the world through the eyes of reason provides a consistent framework with which to view everything.

But, I'm learning that sometimes logic fails us when we only see part of the picture.

Often times I feel like this is our world:

I feel like one of those blind men in the picture. In fact, I think a lot of us are like those men.

The reason there is so much disunity is because we all are given a different part of the puzzle to solve. 

None of us know the full story. 

If we are standing next to the foot of the elephant thinking it's a tree, we will naturally surround ourselves with people who are experiencing the same thing. Even if they are next to a different leg, their perspective will be basically the same.

But what happens when someone next to the leg meets someone sitting on top of the elephant? 

What happens when one person is adamant that it's a tree, while the other is sure that it's a fan? 

What then?  

We tell ourselves it's best to be with people who think like us. But what if the only way to draw together is to realize that we don't have the full picture?

Now, please do not think that I am adopting a relativistic world view as so many hold these days.

There most certainly is absolute truth. 

The truth is that it's an elephant. 

But only when our blind eyes are open can we recognize that. 

Again, we each only have our small piece of the big puzzle.

It is of utmost importance to open our ears to those around us and realize that they each have something to teach us. 

We have to learn from each other. 

There's a reason James reminds us we should be "quick to listen, slow to speak".  (James 1:19)

Everyone needs a voice. 

Everyone needs to be heard.

As far as being able to actually see the whole elephant, there is One who can open blind eyes. 

Right now is one of those moments when I feel like I have been given a glimpse of the whole picture.

This perspective--the perspective of truth brings freedom.

Jesus promised us, "If you hold to my teaching [and gain My perspective], you are really my disciples. Then you will know the Truth, and the Truth will set you free." (John 8:31-32)

When we step back and recognize the beauty of the whole, we are able to rest in knowing that it's all gonna be okay. The world is in the palm of Someone's hand much greater than all of us. 

It's moments like these I realize why Jesus said [indignantly], "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?" (Luke 12:25)

We worriers are so silly sometimes. (I'm as guilty of this as anyone.)

But I mean for reals! Let's think less about what is going wrong and what could go wrong and take a minute to relax, "smell the roses," and remember: 

Life is Beautiful.

2012. [my year in review & a giant 'thank-you']

Well it's that time of year again: a time to reflect.
2012 was one heck of a ride.
Man it's crazy to think about how much happened in the last year!
The events of 2012 broke me in so many ways: physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
I was touched by cancer, heartbreak, confusion, anger, bitterness, depression, and the list goes on...
But those things are not what I see when I look back over the year.
Instead I see how I was touched by God: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
I experienced healing, was given clarity and peace, was taught more fully how to trust, how to forgive and how to rejoice daily, and was given so many other amazing gifts it would take me quite some time to speak of them all.
I was deeply impacted by an active God who sent me the best of friends at just the right times.
He sustained me and renewed me.
He kept His promises to be with me through fire.
He gave me peace beyond understanding.
He whispered to me words of comfort in my pain and danced with me in my joy.
He answered prayers and fulfilled dreams.
He has turned my weeping into dancing time and time again.
His pursuit is unending.

This year may not have been what I was expecting. It was certainly not what I would have chosen if you had asked me a year ago to describe my ideal 2012. But, when do things ever turn out exactly how we want or plan? After all, God did say:

"As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are My ways higher than your ways
and My thoughts than your thoughts." ~Isaiah 55:9

So I thank God for His ways in 2012 and look forward to His ways working through 2013 and beyond!
I would also like to thank each of you who made my year what it was.
I was just reading over some of the many notes I received during the summer and they made me cry once again.
The love I've received this year both in response to news of cancer and in general has been immeasurable.
I want you to know that I love you all and am filled with gratitude from the bottom of my heart for the blessings that I came to know in 2012.

<3 HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! <3